On Self-Doubt

Self-doubt is a thief.

It dishonors our gifts, our genius, our birth-given talents & abilities. It disregards our resilience, our resourcefulness. It is a victim state of mind that paralyzes, that spins us into a downward spiral, that tests our determination, our resolve to live our dreams. 

Self-doubt is one of my biggest challenges this lifetime. It comes to visit me more often than I'd like to admit, whether in sly little ways or big emotional episodes.

I sometimes remember my power, my genius, my ability to create, my God-Consciousness. And sometimes, I can’t imagine being able to make it in this world. I can’t imagine having what it takes to thrive by my own standards. Self-doubt is like a little monster that lives inside me, brought to life by being a sensitive child in an insensitive world, constantly being made wrong for who I was.

When turmoil arises in my life, it senses my weakness and it calls to me, wraps itself around my feet, tells me stories of defeat, of inadequacy, of lack, limitation and not-enoughness. And sometimes, I indulge it, I believe it, I let it pull me down into its grips. It’s a comfort zone of sorts—neurological pathways that take much less effort than interrupting the pattern. What has helped me greatly is acknowledging that this is something I struggle with— that it is one of my challenges to master, one of my wounds to heal. The little monster is just a deeply wounded inner child in need of love & care. And when I am ready, when I’ve had enough of the pity-parties, I start building myself up, I pull from my endless well of resolve, and begin to climb out of the hole. I do this by: 

Surrounding myself with people that remind me of my magic, my resilience & my  power when I cannot see it. 

I ask myself powerful questions like “What is this really about? What is life asking of me? What am I scared of? Where is there growth required here?"

I parent myself, talking to the monster as I would a small scared child “my love, I acknowledge your feelings, they are valid and real, I understand. But the stories are lies. Coping mechanisms that keep you from expansion. You are so beautiful, so powerful, so able to move through this. You have everything you need to handle this situation. You have an inner wealth of resources you can’t even imagine! I love you, I’m here for you, and I will hold your hand as we climb out of this hole together."

Then, I take action as I call upon my superpower of determination. I remind myself who I am. Of all I have already lived. Of all the times I made it when I thought I would not. I practice self-forgiveness. I move my body, I nurture myself. I become my own best friend, my own inspirational coach: 

Even though you cannot feel your magic, your power, your divine truth in this moment, it is here. You are a creator, made in the image and likeness of “God”, the energy source from which you were born, the same energy that gives life to your blood and bones. You are localized consciousness experiencing itself, and you choose how you experience life. You choose what thoughts you allow in your mind. You choose what actions you take. You choose if this is a great opportunity or a defeat. A grand adventure into your soul potential or a journey into victimhood. Baby, your truth is so bright, so beautiful, your ability so far beyond what you think, that you have to expand to experience it. This is an expansion. 

Doubt is just an indicator of where you are disconnected from your truth.